After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
