Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Someone signed my nipple.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
