Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
