This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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