Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
