i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The adults are the big ones right?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
