i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
