My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
