dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
