Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
