porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
