I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
