Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
