Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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