Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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