Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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