Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
