so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
