My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When did angry sex become our thing?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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