Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
