I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
