Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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