I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
