yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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