I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
