Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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