If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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