I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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