Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you traded sex for a burrito?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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