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WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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