dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
