just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
