I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
