Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
