When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
