Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
