I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
