Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
