i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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