Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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