addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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