Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
