They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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