I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
