my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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