remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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