It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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