totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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