i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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