70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
