I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
